LM#61: Stop Trying To Fit In At Work, You’re In The Wrong Job
Being authentic will reap more benefits than you realise.
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Would you rather try to fit in where you are or be yourself somewhere else?
The answer seems obvious, yet many ignore it.
The only person that suffers from in action is you.
It’s Not You, It’s Me
The time you spend at work is huge, roughly 90,000 hours over your lifetime.
That’s a long time to not feel yourself.
The impact on mental health alone will cause you problems.
Let alone the thought of the Sunday evening blues!
The issue stems from you feeling out of place or disconnected with your working environment.
It may seem irrelevant at first.
But these feelings never go away.
The problem really hits home when you secure a great job (or that what it seems).
You feel like you have to bend or mould to fit.
I had it on the 12th June 2011 when joining Deloitte.
I felt like I had to be someone else to fit in.
I thought these feelings would disappear but news flash… they don’t!
Why does this happen?
It’s down to a misalignment of values or what’s important to you.
The team I joined spent time either talking about work or time at the pub talking about work.
Now there will always be a need for work chat. But the fact a lot of it was done at the pub, didn’t sit well.
I’m not a big boozer and didn’t want to spend my time endlessly necking pints with the “cool kids”.
Even if this meant progression was impacted.
Which it was.
Sound Familiar?
When you face this conundrum the pressure to conform is immense.
You want to fit in.
You want to be liked.
You want to be successful.
So this leads to you moulding yourself to the expected identity of the company.
On face value, there doesn’t seem much wrong with this.
But it’s a recipe for dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
By suppressing your authentic self, you stifle creativity, hinder growth and lack fulfilment.
Worst case scenario is you suck it up, stick it out for a year or two and lose who you are.
Picture This
Are you surprised when this doesn’t work?
Think about people who lie for a moment.
At first it may be a little white one. No biggy.
But this leads on to a larger lie which is repeated.
Over time, you tell more and more forgetting who knows what.
Eventually you say the wrong thing to the wrong person!
This is when the wheels fall off.
Hiding your authentic self is the same.
You may not be lying in what you say, but you are lying about who you are.
If you are going to spend the best part of 3,750 days at work, don’t you want to enjoy it?
The Other Way
Thankfully there is another way.
And it’s frustratingly simple.
Just be you.
Embracing your authenticity means you can give more to those around you – without feeling like you’re ‘on guard’.
There is a harsh realisation here though.
You may be in the wrong job.
This was my realisation in 2015.
So, I quit with nothing to go to.
I’m not suggesting you do the same, but it was my way of making a change.
It turned out to be the best thing I ever did.
Leading to a fantastic role at NBCUniversal where, for the 1st time (after 14 years of working) I was able to be me.
And I was encouraged to do so.
The point being, by aligning yourself with people of the same values, you can unlock your potential.
Or at the very least be happy.
And who doesn’t want that?
To help you, here are 3 steps to take:
Reflect on your values – this sounds simple but will take some work. In case you struggle, here is a values checklist which you can use to confirm those most important to you.
Seek feedback – lean on people whose opinion you trust. This could be a mentor, colleague or friend. Discuss your concerns, say them out loud and talk them through what your authentic self is looking for.
Explore alternative opportunities – by acknowledging you are in the wrong job, looking at what’s next is key. It can take time to move especially if across industries. So research companies, identify roles that prioritise the parts that are important to you, and then go after them.
Finding a work environment that you feel comfortable in, should be a minimum.
If it brings the best out of you as well, this is a bonus.
Sadly, it’s a dream for many.
Please don’t let that be you.
See you next week!